Discovering God’s Plan for Marriage: A Stairway to Heaven

Over the twelve years I spent with them at my Alma Mater, the sweet Mission Sisters of Ajmer tried more than once to convince me to join them. But having witnessed the beautiful marriage my parents shared, I knew I wanted the same.

For years, I had prayed for a husband like Saint Joseph — a man who put God first.

The first time I saw him, he was one of the three kings in our parish nativity tableau. I didn’t even know his name. Yet I was inexplicably and instantly drawn to him.

That was 25 years ago.
Today, he is my husband — the one God set apart for me.

He’s also my best friend and the one who has shaped my faith the most. Through him, I have learned more about trusting God, speaking wisely, and forgiving freely than through any book or homily.

But learning these things was not easy for me. And it led me to ask a question I had never given serious thought to before.

Is There More to Marriage?

As a young bride, I wasn’t expecting to be taught by the man of my dreams. My vision of marriage was one of tender companionship, laughter, and shared prayers and dreams.

And while by God’s grace, our marriage proved to be all of those things, I found myself asking a fundamental question: What is the purpose of marriage? Was it simply companionship and happiness? Or was there something deeper?

Determined to find an answer, I turned to Scripture and the Catechism. I discovered something that startled me: Marriage is more than tenderness and togetherness; it is a sacred calling — a stairway to heaven.

Marriage: A Call to Holiness

This vision of marriage is daunting.
How can a husband and wife, going about their ordinary days, help each other reach heaven? Especially when faced with deadlines, bills, packed schedules, and the persistent little arguments and tensions of a busy life together?

The answer, as always, is Christ.

Christ & the Cord of Three Strands

Left to ourselves, attaining holiness in and through marriage would be close to impossible.

But we aren’t alone: On our wedding day, Christ didn’t just witness our covenant. He entered into covenant with us! He wove His own faithfulness into the heart of our marriage, making it a cord of three strands that cannot easily be broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

This is why marriage is a sacrament: a visible sign and vessel of Christ’s grace.

I have experienced this grace in my own marriage:
When I am impatient or unreasonable, my husband doesn’t turn away from me. He helps me find my way.
When he’s discouraged or angry, I don’t skim over his struggle; I try to be his anchor and his guide.

None of this is easy. And we could never do this on our own.

It is Christ who both strengthens us and softens us in our most trying moments. 
It is Christ who teaches us to begin again when we fail.
Without Him, we may falter.
With Him, we build slowly and patiently, a stairway to heaven.

Step by Little Step

How do we build this stairway? Not with grand gestures but by the daily choices and sacrifices we make:

• Choosing forgiveness over resentment
• Staying awake to help when we’d rather rest
• Appreciating what we often take for granted
• Serving even when we feel unseen
• Responding kindly when we’d rather snap

In these little acts of self-emptying, holiness takes root.

Because, let’s face it, these choices are difficult. Sacrifice and humility do not come naturally to me.

Left to myself, I’d rather stretch out and read a book than cook and serve, let alone put my husband’s needs above my own. I would rather defend than apologize. Hold on to a grudge than forgive.

This is why I must lean on Christ. His grace makes it possible to choose love when I’d rather not.

But how do we draw on this grace?

Call on Christ

I have found that one of the best ways to draw on His grace is to root our marriage in prayer.

That’s the key: to call on the Lord who joined us in covenant. Not just once in a while but every single day.

Pray with my spouse each morning, even if for a few minutes. Invite Christ into our day’s tasks and routines.
Pray when we’re in the midst of an argument.
Pray before we handle a difficult situation.
Pray through seasons of fatigue and misunderstandings.
Pray in moments of hurt and discouragement.
Pray at the end of every day.

When we pray, His grace slowly and steadily transforms our marriage.
He teaches us humility when we can’t have our way, generosity as we learn to give rather than take, and tenderness as we learn to serve each other.

Almost without our noticing, our marriage begins to change.
Every yes to forgiveness, to faithfulness, to service, becomes a yes to Christ.
Our love deepens.

And slowly within the walls of our homes — amid the noise, the chores, the laughter, and the tears — we begin to walk side by side, inching toward heaven, together.

In faith,