THIS IS WEEK 1 OF THE SPEAK LIFE SERIES
Related reading:
- The big picture: 5 Biblical Principles for Better Communication in Marriage.
- Week 2: Speak the Truth but with Love
- Week 3: Pray, Don’t Prove
- Week 4: Listen More, Speak Less
- Week 5: Build Each Other Up
- What is the Speak Life Marriage Devotional about? [see box below]
WHAT IS THE SPEAK LIFE MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL ABOUT?
Marriage is a gift from our Father, a trek to heaven designed for two. But it’s not always easy, and sometimes we hurt the very person God set apart for us before the world began (Tobit 6:18). So, in this series, we go on a 5-week journey through Scripture, learning to communicate with love, truth, and grace. Our aim is to use Scriptural principles to transform our hearts, our words, and our marriages.
Why 5 weeks?
This devotional is designed for slow but lasting change in the little attitudes, choices, and words that shape a marriage. This is why we focus on just one biblical principle to put into practice per week. As we look at each biblical principle and understand it, we try to act upon it in that week and transform the way we speak to, love, and listen to the most important person in our lives here on earth.
Alone or together?
It’s best if you and your spouse do this together. But if you’re starting alone, that’s okay. Your efforts will bear fruit as you faithfully walk with Christ to grow a stronger, holier marriage.
So come, slow down, and breathe life and love into your marriage with God’s Word as your guide.
HOW TO USE THIS DEVOTIONAL
Step 1: Read the Scripture prayerfully and let it settle in your heart.
Step 2: Read the Reflection, pausing where needed to consider something that speaks to you.
Step 3: Understand and apply this week’s Practice. Print or save it to keep it handy.
Step 4: Pray each day this week for the grace to build a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.
Week 1
Scripture
“and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.”
Reflection
Why start with forgiveness?
Two reasons, really:
- God forgives us completely and fully. Every. Single. Time. How can we choose to do anything less?
- Marriage is a gift to be treasured, to be fought for, to be protected and nurtured with everything we’ve got. And to be strong, it needs to be free of resentment.
Think back to the time you first met each other. When you first fell in love. That unconditional fullness of love you felt for each other cannot be experienced and built upon if you now hold grudges.
So, the first step is to choose to forgive each other of all past hurts.
Wipe the slate clean.
Offer grace.
Start afresh.
A great and beautiful marriage is worth striving for, my friend. And the first step to the summit is unconditional forgiveness.
Learning to forgive
Forgiveness is not easy. It takes self-denial, a lot of practice, and many pride-swallowing moments. Here’s are some ways to build a forgiveness habit within your marriage after a fight:
- Scenario 1: Your spouse apologizes.
You can either say, “It’s ok, I forgive you” or hold on to the grudge. Grudges are like landmines. If you harbor them, they’re bound to erupt some day. The way forward is always unconditional forgiveness: When your spouse apologizes, be lightning quick to forgive. - Scenario 2: You need to apologize.
If you realize that you’re at fault, take a few moments to pray for the strength to stay humble. And then make haste and apologize. - Scenario 3: You both think you’re right and no one apologizes.
Aah! The age-old dilemma! If you hit this wall, there’s a window you can try. Prayer. Pray before you begin to speak, for the grace to understand each other and to sort things out without bringing each other down. Week 3 of this series will cover this in detail. - Scenario 4: You both apologize.
Congratulations! You’ve reached that truly sweet spot of love. Thank Jesus for this gift and enjoy the moment with your spouse.
Forgiving, again and again
Holding on to past hurts only builds walls in our marriage. Forgiveness tears those walls down. It makes space for love and healing to flow freely. So forgive, seventy times seven.
God does not forgive us halfway; He forgives fully, freely, and without keeping score. We are called to do the same. To refuse to let bitterness take root, address conflict with love, consciously step away from resentment, and… forgive.
Practice
Right now: Is there something you’re hurt about right now? Take a deep breath, ask Jesus for the grace and strength to forgive the hurt. Take the time to release this hurt into His hands.
This week: Every day of this week, choose not to hold on to anger or frustration. Each time after an argument, pray for the grace to forgive. Then, actively choose forgiveness. Turn your forgiveness into action by doing something loving for your spouse, no matter how small. And if you’re the one who needs to apologize, go ahead, don’t delay.
Before you move on: At the end of this week, reflect on what you felt, the challenges you faced, and the grace you received as you chose to forgive.
Prayer
Lord, soften our hearts toward one another. Help us let go of old hurts and choose love over resentment. Break down any walls between us. Teach us to forgive quickly and completely, just as You have forgiven us in Jesus. Let forgiveness become our natural response and the building block of a stronger marriage in You. Amen.
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