THIS IS WEEK 2 OF THE SPEAK LIFE SERIES
Related reading:
- The big picture: 5 Biblical Principles for Better Communication in Marriage.
- Week 1: Forgive Quickly & Completely
- Week 3: Pray Don’t Prove
- Week 4: Listen More, Speak Less
- Week 5: Build Each Other Up
- What is the Speak Life Marriage Devotional about? [see box below]
WHAT IS THE SPEAK LIFE MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL ABOUT?
Marriage is a gift from our Father, a trek to heaven designed for two. But it’s not always easy, and sometimes we hurt the very person God set apart for us before the world began (Tobit 6:18). So, in this series, we go on a 5-week journey through Scripture, learning to communicate with love, truth, and grace. Our aim is to use Scriptural principles to transform our hearts, our words, and our marriages.
Why 5 weeks?
This devotional is designed for slow but lasting change in the little attitudes, choices, and words that shape a marriage. This is why we focus on just one biblical principle to put into practice per week. As we look at each biblical principle and understand it, we try to act upon it in that week and transform the way we speak to, love, and listen to the most important person in our lives here on earth.
Alone or together?
It’s best if you and your spouse do this together. But if you’re starting alone, that’s okay. Your efforts will bear fruit as you faithfully walk with Christ to grow a stronger, holier marriage.
So come, slow down, and breathe life and love into your marriage with God’s Word as your guide.
HOW TO USE THIS DEVOTIONAL
Step 1: Read the Scripture prayerfully and let it settle in your heart.
Step 2: Read the Reflection, pausing where needed to consider something that speaks to you.
Step 3: Understand and apply this week’s Practice. Print or save it to keep it handy.
Step 4: Pray each day this week for the grace to build a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.
Week 2
Scripture
“But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ”
Reflection
Truth and love
Honesty is essential in marriage. So is love.
But how can we be honest as well as loving when we’re discussing difficult issues, shortcomings, or offenses with our spouses? Far from easy, right?
Speaking the truth in these matters can stir up conflict, misunderstanding, and hurt. Yet, holding back can leave open wounds that grow more painful over time.
The answer, as always, lies in Christ, who is both Truth and Love.
No “you v. me“
Scripture tells us that as a Church we are all one body, called to grow together in Christ, to build each other up in love, all while speaking truth.
If this is true of the Church as a whole, how much more true it is of two people who are united with each other and with Christ in sacrament! When we begin seeing our marriages through the lens of oneness in Christ, everything shifts.
It’s no longer “you” versus “me.” It changes to “us,” walking side-by-side, growing together in holiness. We get to be each other’s partner, coach, counselor, and cheerleader as we trek to heaven together.
Truth becomes love
Through this lens, truth spoken gently isn’t about pointing out faults. It’s an act of love, spoken to build each other up. Instead of avoiding conflict, we step into it with compassion. Instead of seeking to win, we seek to uplift and help our spouse grow stronger in Christ.
Does this seem too lofty? Well, most of us struggle with this. But aiming for the things of heaven, that’s our calling.
And the Lord doesn’t leave us to figure it all out on our own. He offers to strengthen us in the Eucharist, in His Word. These are sources of grace that we need, if we are to transform our marriages into what God designed them to be — stairways to heaven.
Yes, this is easier said than done! But don’t give up yet. Let’s look at ways in which we can strive to speak truth in love.
Practice
Right now: Assess where you stand. How do you usually address a difficult conversation? Do you go in ready to prove your point? Do you speak when you are calm or in the heat of the moment? How have recent arguments ended? What could you have changed?
This week: Every day this week, try to speak gently, slowly, and calmly. Every time a thorny situation arises, do these 5 things:
- Pray before speaking: Even a two-second prayer (“Lord, help me say this with love”) can shift your heart before the words leave your mouth.
- Check your reasons: Ask yourself: “Am I trying to control or prove something? Is what I’m about to say true, loving, and necessary?”
- Pick a good time: Don’t speak in anger. Calm down and talk when you both are relaxed and present.
- Avoid too many “you” statements: Swap “you” statements with “I” and “we” statements. For example, instead of “You never listen,” try “I feel unheard when…”
- Speak positive truths: Speak the truth about your spouse’s strengths, too. Take the time to appreciate the good you see in him or her.
Before you move on: At the end of the week, reflect on how you’ve spoken to your spouse this week. Have your words built up? Have your words reflected your unity in Christ?
Prayer
Jesus, you are both Truth and Love. Help us reflect your character in our marriage. Give us the courage to speak up when needed and to clothe our words in gentleness and love. Soften our hearts so that the words that come out of them strengthen and build rather than wound and tear down. Help us remember that we are one in you. Let every conversation we have, even difficult ones, draw us closer to each other and to you. Amen.
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