THIS IS WEEK 4 OF THE SPEAK LIFE SERIES
Related reading:
- The big picture: 5 Biblical Principles for Better Communication in Marriage.
- Week 1: Forgive Quickly & Completely
- Week 2: Speak the Truth but with Love
- Week 3: Pray, Don’t Prove
- Week 5: Build Each Other Up
- What is the Speak Life Marriage Devotional about? [see box below]
WHAT IS THE SPEAK LIFE MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL ABOUT?
Marriage is a gift from our Father, a trek to heaven designed for two. But it’s not always easy, and sometimes we hurt the very person God set apart for us before the world began (Tobit 6:18). So, in this series, we go on a 5-week journey through Scripture, learning to communicate with love, truth, and grace. Our aim is to use Scriptural principles to transform our hearts, our words, and our marriages.
Why 5 weeks?
This devotional is designed for slow but lasting change in the little attitudes, choices, and words that shape a marriage. This is why we focus on just one biblical principle to put into practice per week. As we look at each biblical principle and understand it, we try to act upon it in that week and transform the way we speak to, love, and listen to the most important person in our lives here on earth.
Alone or together?
It’s best if you and your spouse do this together. But if you’re starting alone, that’s okay. Your efforts will bear fruit as you faithfully walk with Christ to grow a stronger, holier marriage.
So come, slow down, and breathe life and love into your marriage with God’s Word as your guide.
HOW TO USE THIS DEVOTIONAL
Step 1: Read the Scripture prayerfully and let it settle in your heart.
Step 2: Read the Reflection, pausing where needed to consider something that speaks to you.
Step 3: Understand and apply this week’s Practice. Print or save it to keep it handy.
Step 4: Pray each day this week for the grace to build a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.
Week 4
Scripture
“You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger”
Reflection
Listen.
Seems simple enough. But real listening takes patience, restraint, and time. It often takes a backseat when we’ve got bills to pay, meals to make, and appointments to keep.
We may think it’s not that big a deal when we’ve got such much to juggle. But nothing could be farther from the truth. Listening matters. Far more than we realize.
When listening was romantic
Remember your dating days? The long walks, the longer talks. Hanging on to every word your beloved said.
Listening came naturally. It was a part of the romance.
Do you still listen to your spouse as patiently as you did before you were married?
If you answered “yes,” you can skip this devotional and I’d love to learn from you, friend. Because I’m certainly not as good a listener now as I was then.
But here’s a truth I’ve been learning recently: The scriptural command to be quick to listen and slow to speak is more essential now than it was then.
Then, it was simply romantic.
Now, it is a powerful way to reflect Christ’s love in marriage.
Listening is loving
To really listen, I have to put aside my own desires. The desire to frame my next response while my spouse is speaking. The urge to steer the conversation towards what I want to discuss. The need to defend myself. I have to lay down those impulses and give my time and my heart to my spouse in that moment.
Listening in this way requires a dying to self. It mirrors Christ’s self-giving love.
Of course, this isn’t always easy.
Especially, when you have to listen to correction. Or when your spouse is discussing things that you’re not that interested in.
But if you choose to listen, you show how much you love and value your spouse.
And perhaps, you’ll also gain a bit of knowledge along the way. (I know way too much about machines and engines for a Literature student, and it comes from listening to my machine-loving man!)
You see, when I set aside my tasks, my interests, and my own need to speak, and listen to my spouse instead, I’m saying: “You, my love, are important to me. More than my work. More than myself.”
My act of being fully present and listening with an attentive heart becomes an act of love. Listening becomes loving.
Listening is powerful
Take a minute to picture what your marriage would look like if you showed your love every day through the quiet power of attentive listening. If you put the laptop or the ladle aside, listened patiently mid-conflict, or humbly heard out suggestions. These small choices speak love in a powerful way.
So, I invite you to listen more and speak less this week. Because listening with all your attention shows you care with all your heart.
Listening like this can change the entire character of your marriage. It can bring sweetness and understanding even amid the noise of daily life. It can help each of you become “slow to anger” because one feels heard and the other begins to understand.
It is the single most powerful way to transform your communication and your marriage.
Practice
Right now: Pray for a heart that is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
This week: Take the time to practice active listening. Here are some ways to do this:
- Put away distractions: Set aside your phone, your work, and give all your attention to your spouse.
- Make eye contact: Yes, we’re going back to the absolute basics here! Because looking at your spouse shows that you value what they have to say. It communicates interest and love.
- Don’t interrupt: Let your spouse finish before you respond.
- Show interest: Even if your spouse is speaking about something you’re not interested in. Surely, that is not too much to do, given that you’re listening to the most important person in your life. Bonus: You’ll learn new things along the way.
- Listen to understand: Especially when you’re in the middle of a conflict, you need to listen to understand. Even if you don’t agree with what’s being said, listening shows respect.
- Stay calm: Listening when your spouse is angry and blames you for something is incredibly difficult. Here’s where most of us fall. Breathe deeply and stay calm. Don’t rush to attack or defend. Simply listen and let him or her speak. This is the first step to healing the hurt you both are feeling. When he or she is done, pause, process, and then speak honestly but with love.
- Pray for a James 1:19 heart: Ask God to give you a heart that is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Before you move on: After the week is over, do a quick check. During conversations this week, were you able to listen attentively, lovingly, without impatience? How has it changed things? You may not get it right every time, but every effort to listen with love and be slow to anger will enrich your marriage and your love for each other.
Prayer
Father, thank you for giving us to each other. We come before you to ask for forgiveness for the times we have failed to listen with love. Teach us to truly seek to understand what the other is saying as we communicate each day. Make our home a place of compassion, where every conversation is shaped by your Holy Spirit. When distractions come to get us, help us shut them down and focus on each other. When anger or pride rise up, give us your gentleness and humility. Make our words gentle and our hearts tender as we listen to each other. Give us O Lord a heart that reflects your own. Amen.
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