THIS IS WEEK 3 OF THE SPEAK LIFE SERIES
Related reading:
- The big picture: 5 Biblical Principles for Better Communication in Marriage.
- Week 1: Forgive Quickly & Completely
- Week 2: Speak the Truth but with Love
- Week 4: Listen More, Speak Less
- Week 5: Build Each Other Up
- What is the Speak Life Marriage Devotional about? [see box below]
WHAT IS THE SPEAK LIFE MARRIAGE DEVOTIONAL ABOUT?
Marriage is a gift from our Father, a trek to heaven designed for two. But it’s not always easy, and sometimes we hurt the very person God set apart for us before the world began (Tobit 6:18). So, in this series, we go on a 5-week journey through Scripture, learning to communicate with love, truth, and grace. Our aim is to use Scriptural principles to transform our hearts, our words, and our marriages.
Why 5 weeks?
This devotional is designed for slow but lasting change in the little attitudes, choices, and words that shape a marriage. This is why we focus on just one biblical principle to put into practice per week. As we look at each biblical principle and understand it, we try to act upon it in that week and transform the way we speak to, love, and listen to the most important person in our lives here on earth.
Alone or together?
It’s best if you and your spouse do this together. But if you’re starting alone, that’s okay. Your efforts will bear fruit as you faithfully walk with Christ to grow a stronger, holier marriage.
So come, slow down, and breathe life and love into your marriage with God’s Word as your guide.
HOW TO USE THIS DEVOTIONAL
Step 1: Read the Scripture prayerfully and let it settle in your heart.
Step 2: Read the Reflection, pausing where needed to consider something that speaks to you.
Step 3: Understand and apply this week’s Practice. Print or save it to keep it handy.
Step 4: Pray each day this week for the grace to build a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.
Week 3
Scripture
“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Reflection
Duck
Last week, we considered the importance of communicating honestly but with love. Of approaching disagreements with gentleness and even compassion.
Now picture this: You’re in the midst of a conflict and you’re really upset. Yet, you’ve stayed calm, whispered a quick prayer, and managed to lovingly communicate your views. But your spouse responds with indifference, denial, anger, or outright rejection of your views.
What next? Should you ditch loving communication and go at it with all you’ve got?
Well, I’m not proud to say that I’ve done that all too often. And most often, it’s only escalated the conflict.
There is another way: Duck. And hand it over to the One in your marriage who can actually bring resolution.
I didn’t invent this wonderful idea. I first read about it in an article that I can’t seem to find now. The author half-jokingly said that when her husband didn’t understand her point of view, she would simply “duck” and let God hit him on the head with the truth!
It was such a dramatic statement that I had to try it out! And I can tell you it works. (Fair warning: You may be the one who gets that knock on the head.)
The essence of the ducking principle is this: Don’t work so hard to prove yourself right. You’ll only get frustrated and tired, and likely have a pretty sour day! Instead, pray and duck. In other words, step back and invite Jesus into your struggle.
Step aside, ego
This is really difficult, especially if you’re habituated to proving your point.
It takes tremendous effort and a huge dollop of humility to stay silent when all you want to do is speak up and sort things out! When (like me) all you can do is think of this unresolved issue and how you just want to be done with it!
But if you and I are serious about building a Christ-centered marriage and a lifetime of love, then we have to strive to be like Christ. Meek and humble of heart. Trusting in the Father at all times to work things for our good.
When we’re having a hard time releasing an issue into the Lord’s hands, it helps to remind ourselves: My spouse is not my adversary but the love of my life!
Proving ourselves right will do our ego good. But it can hurt our spouse and our marriages. On the other hand, praying and stepping back in quiet love will build up our marriages.
When we pray in the midst of conflict, we put Christ and our spouse before our own immediate needs. We shift the focus from winning an argument to inviting Christ into our marriage and our daily struggles. We sacrifice our ego to honor Christ.
Pray, wait (repeat if needed)
Even after we’ve silenced the desire to win against our spouse, there’s a fair way to go. Praying for issues that you both disagree strongly about is not a one-time thing. Pray and pray again. Sometimes you’ll have to go through months of praying. Don’t run out of patience. Don’t stop. Your answer will come.
It may not always be the answer you expected, but it will come.
As I’ve prayed and waited patiently, quietly, the Lord has sometimes changed my own perspective, my own heart. And sometimes, my husband’s. No matter what path the answer takes to arrive at my doorstep, it always does. God has never failed to sort out that which I cast upon Him in faith.
Try it, my friend. Praying is far better than proving.
Practice
Right now: Is there an area in which you and your spouse are having a hard time seeing eye to eye? Here’s your chance to pray for this burden you carry. Cast it upon the Lord. Let Him handle it for you. And even if nothing seems to be moving, keep praying and leave it at His feet. Don’t go back and pick it up! He is working even when you can’t see it.
This week: When you encounter conflict, practice what you’ve learnt over two weeks and build on it with prayer:
- Cast away resentment and forgive your spouse for any hurt he or she has caused you.
- Share your perspective, in truth and with love.
- If you’ll still can’t seem to see eye to eye, step back and stop striving to prove your point.
- Pray instead. Ask the Lord to help you both resolve the issue and to find the way forward.
Before you move on: Once the week is done, look back and assess how well you’ve been able to step back and pray instead of stepping right into a shouting match.
Prayer
Jesus, you are the One who holds us together in love. When we disagree, help us turn to you. Instead of trying to win arguments, may we come to you seeking your Wisdom in the midst of conflict. Grant us humble hearts that are willing to step back and let your Spirit in. Help us remember at all times that we are not adversaries but lovers. Give us expectant hearts that we are willing to wait on you. Help us choose patience over victory and prayer over pride. Amen.
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